I lied - there are no 8.5 reasons to sum up why I am moving to Germany, but I felt compelled to incorporate that into the title to lure you into my tawdry blog web. The real reasons I'm moving to Germany can't be packaged neatly into a bulleted list of items and this blog is only touching the surface.
Let me start off by saying that I've only been on two international trips in my life - one to Vietnam, and one to Belize/Guatamala. Six months ago if you said I was moving to Germany I would have laughed in your face, and yet I will be moving to this country in one week, in the middle of winter, with no job, little money, credit card debt, my dog, my girlfriend and my mountain bike. "So why the hell are you moving there??" you ask?
The catalyst for this move is my girlfriend. She accepted a job in Germany and I decided to follow her.
The key word here is "catalyst". The reasons beyond that become grey. As much as I love living in sunny San Diego, there has been a sensation deep in my gut that is asking for a change. I can just hear the Universe saying "You wanna change? ok - how about THIS?? bawhhahaa!!" I made the mental commitment four months ago that I would move, that I would do what I needed to do to make this happen, that I would ignore that voice saying "but what if…". I did my research, came up with a plan (I will need work and a visa to stay in Germany), sold my stuff, quit my job, and now I am in the waiting room.
This waiting room period has been the hardest part. Now that I have the time to over-think what my future will be like in a country I have never been in, the following thoughts ruminate in my mind:
- weather is gonna be shit in winter
- no palm trees, no beach
- will I make good friends?
- will Germany ever feel like home to me?
- will I manage to find enough work to get a visa?
- will I like teaching English?
- how will I adapt to sharing a car and using public transportation?
- can't wear flip-flops or jeans to work!
- what am I doing with my life?
- what if I never become anything?
Ridding myself of almost all my material belongings, starting a new career, surrounding myself with new people, new languages, and new landscapes - all these things make me question my identity. I begin to ask myself "Who am I? What am I supposed to do in life?". But I think it's these very questions that make big moves like this worth it. Not being fearful to ask the question "Who am I?" and being comfortable without having a clear answer is oddly peaceful. For now anyways, at this point in my life, I don't have any clear answers. I am just "following the heat" as career catalyst Tama Kieves puts it. And as I look back I realize that is was just before I made my decision to move to Germany that I went to a workshop of hers called Unleash Your Calling. There were five main points that she made in her workshop that really made me think:
1 - Make mistakes
2 - Reinvent the wheel - life isn't about following the rules
3 - Forget your image and reinvent yourself
4 - Don't monetize the butterflies - suspend the question 'how will this make money?"
5 - Chase your wild want, not your mild want
So perhaps it was these thoughts that helped create a space for the unknown to be okay. I'm not entirely sure where this will journey will lead, but I'm okay with that : )